Reflections on an atheistic sharpening stone

Since starting at the IRS, I've had a chance to listen to gobs and gobs of podcasts. Since all I do is type, I have the time and attention to listen to them. They mostly consist of sermons by different people. The ones, however, that have been hitting home for me are the ones by apologist, Ravi Zacharias. I'm sure some of you have heard of him. I won't go into his history. You can google him. The crowning feature about Ravi is his ability to logically explicate the nature of the Christian faith that in a way that uses reason, that does not forsake the Gospel, and that speaks to the heart. He is one of the best Christocentric apologists I've heard. He is highly intellecutal, but at the same time can bring the philosophy down to earth. Great skill.

About the same time that I had been listening to Ravi's podcasts, I thought I would search for him online to see if there were any other resources I could use or that would be interesting to me. This led me to, where else, You Tube. Some of you may not know this, but there are a ton of atheists, agnostics, skeptics, Christians, and everything in between that are voicing their opinions on YouTube. I must say, all of them have their good representatives and their bad ones. You'll find terrible, as well as convincing arguments for both atheism and Christianity. Anyway, there is a series of videos on there called, "Ravi Zacharias - Atheist Nightmare." First of all, the name of the series is terrible and automatically sets a tone of condescendence. Anyone who's heard Mr. Zacharias speak knows that this isn't his purpose. Anyway, I met a very nice atheist guy (psyjax is his handle) who was willing to enter a discussion with me. He was a classics major in college and a very intelligent atheist. I encourage you to check out his videos defending his atheism.

In all of our discussion, I have discovered one thing, though: he can't answer my questions on morality. Either he is avoiding them, or just isn't getting around to them. As I continue to read more papers and defenses of other atheists, I'm finding this to be true as well. They keep arguing in circles. Also, as I continue to read about their views, I am more convinced that they are atheists, not because of logic and sufficient or insufficient evidence, but because of morality.

Reality itself tells us that the depravity of man is universal in all cultures, faiths, and societies. All one needs to be is human to understand this. The atheist cannot seem to come up with an answer as to why this exists or what to do about it. He can't deal with his morality. It isn't that there is not sufficient evidence to prove the existence of God. It is that he is suppressing the evidence to create his own truth, that is simply not able to stand up to reality. Psyjax (again, he is a very nice, intelligent guy), while he is most likely a moral guy, can't give me a reason that he should be moral. Why not live like Hitler? Or the converse, why live like Mother Theresa? They are playing word games. They have no foundation on which to stand when it comes to morailty. I asked psyjax, after I observed his wearing of a wedding ring, what motivates him to remain monogomous to his wife. I have yet to hear a reply. He seems to have answers for other issues of human experience (meaning, pain, origin of life, etc.), but they do not remain consitent with each other or the rest of his arguments.

I tell you all of that simply to share with you how I've been growing through the whole process. God has been using psyjax (perhaps to the chagrin of Mr. psyjax) to sharpen my skills at defending the very core of who I am. At the same time, these arguments are very succeptable to the pride that can ensue and the negative banter that can result. This is also something God has been teaching me: how to remain faithful to the purity of the Gospel and loving to psyjax, a lamb of Christ. You see, one of the beautiful things about the Christian faith is that, even though psyjax rejects the existence of God, Christ still died for psyjax and loves him fiercly and pursuingly! Psyjax's rejection, however, still saddens my heart. Ravi Zacharias puts it well when he says that "when you don't love me, I am hurt, because I have lost something. When you don't love God, he is hurt as well, but not because he has lost something, but because you have lost something." I pray that God will use our discussions to soften psyjax's heart to realize the truth of the Gospel.

I apologize (pun completely intended) if this was a bit random and ill-cohesed. It is 3:20 am. I challenge all of you who read this to scrutinize what you believe and why. You will be blessed with a deeper appreciation of the truth that you will find in the process.

A new meaning of Internal Revenue 'Service'

I recently got a full-time job working for the man at the IRS here in Austin TX. Now, I must say that I wasn't exactly thrilled about this job going in to it. The extent of my duties are basically to type 1040 tax information into an archaeic computer program for 8 hours in a room with no audible sound other than that of clicking keyboards. Oh, and did I mention that I start at 6:00 pm? You do the math. "He's crazy," you must be thinking. Hey, it pays the bills. But I'm realizing that it does more than that.

I've come to the conclusion that my 8 hour shift with my binary friend is really a catalyst for what happens in essentially one hour every day at the IRS: lunch and two fifteen minute breaks. That's right. I suffer through 8 hours of typing while always looking forward to one hour. This is because during these breaks, I actually get to interact with human beings.

Now, one must understand that the night shift of typing information at a terminal attracts a completely unique demographic of people. Most of them aren't married or are divorced with no current nuclear family living at home. They also probably have another job that they are working during the day. These are tired, weary people that are trying to make ends meet. The great thing is that every day I've worked there, God has given me an opportunity to serve these people. So it really has become my version of Internal Revenue 'Service'. IRS aren't such bad letters when I think of them like this.

My second day of work I was on a fifteen minute break when a thiry-something woman and I got into a conversation of theology. She had dated an LC-MS Lutheran pastor's son for three years and she called it off because "he kept telling her what to do". As the conversation went on, I came to realize that this wasn't the case at all. He was simply telling her the truth and she didn't want to hear it. You see, she is basically a universalist -- she loves feeling good about God. As we talked, she explained how she doesn't believe in hell, original sin, or even the resurrection of Jesus from the dead. She feels that Christianity is exclusive and insulting, a claim with which I agreed, to a point. However, she still claims Christianity as her faith. What an opportunity! So I discussed with her for the remainder of the break all of these issues, simply to see where she was coming from. Most of my time was spent carefully listening, but I'm confident that the little that I did say, the Holy Spirit will use somehow.

This is just one example of the many conversations I've had with the folks at the IRS -- real people trying to make a living. I pray that the Lord would use me to be a light to them, and this doesn't mean that I must have these heavy conversations everyday with people, trying to "get 'em sayved," but simply to be grace to them. I hope to keep writing about my experiences in Internal Revenue Service.

"And we've reached a verdict . . ."

Well, I know I previously wrote about my struggle with whether or not to attend seminary next fall. I'd just like to say that I've come to a decision. Much prayerful consideration has led me to apply and attend seminary in St. Louis in the fall of '07. As time goes on, this is becoming more and more exciting to me, especially since my fiance and I will be attending together. It will be a great experience to learn how best to minister to the lambs of Christ, knowing that God goes with me wherever I go.

A Tailored Education?

I was thinking today about the idea of an undergraduate degree. What does this really mean? Here I am, in my fifth year of college, with 140 some odd credits under my belt and 6 weeks away from earning my degree in Psychology. Reflecting back on my years here at Concordia, I've been wondering how I can actually apply what I've learned. I figured out that the majority of my classes as a Psychology major have been tailored to those people who will be actually starting a practice somewhere, counseling people and helping them with their problems. That's all fine and dandy, but what my concern is that since this is a Synodical school that puts out a majority of churchworkers, how are they tailoring their classes to best aide those people going into churchwork? Sure, my psych. classes will be applicable in some situations, but the majority of them were just interesting. I know this is a fine balance when the Concordia system prides itself in its accreditation, which I respect highly and am very thankful of, being that I'm a transfer student. However, the fact the my favorite and most applicable classes were my electives, really says something about how this institution prepares churchworking psych. majors.

Also, I've been having conversations with various students about the concept of Servant Leadership that has been ingrained in our minds since before we all started attending this institution. There is a general consensus that this catch phrase is overused and marketed beyond belief. It has turned a biblical principle of Jesus into a marketing campaign to put a pretty face on Concordia to draw students here and to build a firm reputation in the Synod. I've had my frustrations with it as well. It also makes me wonder about the faculty of the institution. The students here are taught to think critically about situations and ideas so that we can make a meaningful impact in the world and perhaps change some of the poorly considered situations that we encounter. However, the very people teaching us this principle are overlooking a problem on their very campus in which many students see a problem. I can understand overlooking a few students complaining about a stupid required class, but when an overwhelming percentage of students that have a firm understanding of ministry see a problem with the program, what does this say about the ability of the administration to serve the students as they so diligently strive to do. And don't get me wrong, they do a wonderful job at that in most other areas of campus life and education. But this one thing seems to constantly get overlooked and students seem to get ignored. They said, "Give it time." It's had time and is still not improving. Again, what does that say about the motivations of the concept? I challenge a reevaluation of this servant leadership, which could be used as an amazing tool with which to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Christian (Music) Experience

So, as you may have discovered by reading my profile, I am a musician. What does it mean to be a musician? Well, to me, it means to utilize a skill into which a person can pour the heart, soul, and mind so that others, upon hearing the product, may be edified. It's been going on for millennia. I have been influencing the musical world for less than a fraction of those millennia. So where does my place lie in the creative process? It seems that God has led me to a place where I can use the musical gifts that he has given me, not only to edify others, but also to edify him. Now, I've heard a common phrase lately about artists of the Christian persuasion that are 'watering down' their lyrics compared to previous album releases of theirs. This tidbit has gotten my neuro-gears cranking. Automatically it is assumed that because an artist-formerly-known-as-having-Christian-lyrics changes them to be more 'watered down,' that they have forsaken that which they once proclaimed. I find this to be a narrow and naive train of thought. I would say that Christians gifted with any talent - be it music or weaving baskets underwater - are called to use it in such a way that is edifying to Christ. Now the trouble with music is that some Christians believe that music is not Christian if it does not blatantly say, "I love Jesus and I want you to love him too," or something of this nature. But in my experience as a Christian musician (that is, a Christian who is a musician), we experience all of the struggles that everyone else faces. It just seems that we aren't allowed in the Christian community to write of said struggles. We can only write about being happy about Jesus. My experiences tell me otherwise. My thoughts, my soul, my heart, my motivations, and everything about me is a dynamic organism that has been and continues to be in constant change. The lyrics to my music through the years are a testament to this very fact. Who am I to say that what a musician composes at a specific instance in life is invalid because they claim Christ as Savior and yet 'leave him out' of their music? This is why some of my favorite music is by Christian indie artists that I have personal relationships with. I know their struggles and I know their joys. And if they don't mention Christ in one of their songs, I still have the assurance that they have not forsaken him or any of the gifts he's bestowed.

Vocation

So, I've been puzzling lately (and by latley I mean the last 5 months) over what to do when I get big. I've been a passionate musician for quite a large part of my life, but I've also got an interest in theology. So I've been toying with the prospect of attending seminary in St. Louis beginning next fall.

Now, I understand Luther's doctrine of vocation, but the struggle still remains. Do I pursue my passion in music and supply the lambs of Christ with the gospel through my lyrics? Or do I puruse the position of shepherd and care for the tender children of God that way? It's puzzling me more than I expected it would.

Regardless of my choice, God goes with me, along with the power of the Holy Spirit. Thanks be to God that he can use me in spite of me. Now that's grace.